I THINK I FINALLY BELIEVE IN THE WORD/FEELING "LOVE!!!!

I'm afraid what I'm about to wryte might hurt some people I truly care about and I really want you guys to know I'm truly sorry. I just think it's tyme I clear the air concerning my feelings about the word love!! I've honestly never been the kind of girl who easily fell in love, so as you can imagine, on those rare instances where I did, I definitely fell hard!! Having said that, let me explain the above topic.

It's not like I've never believed in love, no, on the contrary, I was one of the strongest believers of that word. But thanks to an experience I had with some douche-bag in 2007, (yh, 1 of the few I fell for), I had to learn and grow up fast enough that it took me a long time to get back on my feet. The result of that experience was that I promised myself I was never going to cry for anybody anymore, irregardless of who the person was, and I'm proud to say that I've held on to that. It definitely wasn't easy but I had to use sarcasm as a way to make it happen. The downside to that is the fact that that decision took away every humane feeling I had at the time, though I've gotten them back. The only humane feeling I've yet to get back is the ability to cry when necessary, I still don't cry, no matter how touching a situation might be. I mean, the tears would be there, but they would never leave my eyes, you just had to look closely to know I really felt like crying but couldn't.

Another aftermath of that incident in 2007 was that I totally stopped believing in love, whether as a word or even as a feeling. I just totally convinced myself that there was no such thing as love. In fact, until recently, the word love wasn't in my vocabulary. The highest thing I could say to some-one was 'I like you', 'I care about you' etc. I could never say 'I love you' and mean it as love. I mean, I could say 'I love you', but while it meant just that to others, I meant it as 'I like you. It was so bad that for a while I went through the whole anti-Danielle Steel, anti-Nora Roberts phases, and started going through the pro-Stephen King, pro-Sidney Sheldon kinda phases, all to re-assure myself that love, whether true or otherwise didn't exist. I still remember my friends over here trying to make me believe in it again, even going so far as to quote 'Romeo and Juliet' and occassionally 'Titanic' and such romance-induced stuff for me, all to no avail. I even hated pet-names such as "baby-boo, sweets, honey, etc" because I felt they were fake and all a farce in cahoots with this thing called love. As a matter of fact, I don't hate it anymore, but I'm still not comfortable with them.

Until recently. And before you even start asking let me just say, YES, it's thanks to another guy. I've been friends with him for a couple of years now, we had a thing a while back, personally left because I wasn't so sure of myself among other reasons, continued being friends with him and when we both realised the attraction was still there, decided to get back together. And I'm really starting to get my old self back thanks to him, probably because he knows how to use sarcasm to get me thinking about stuff without even sounding pushy. (Don't start feeling fly here ooh!!lol) Sha sha, I had to re-think this whole love-stuff again and I realised I'd actually started believing in it again. I'm not going to make this sound like some Mills and Boon romance story ooh, ehen, so don't even start going all teary-eyed and stuff ...(lmao)
Anyways, without deviating and wasting too much grammar, I just want to say that I'm sorry if this piece really hurts any of you guys. I just didn't want to go down that same road again. And I LOVE you guys, (nd I realli mean love you)! Thanks for being there!!
This is for y'all. It's Taylor Swift's 'Mine'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPBwXKgDTdE